So Tuesday I had a gentleman that tipped me $100 on a $28 tab but it was because I gave his friend shit the whole time he was there. I ragged on him for talking crap about his air hockey talents and lost. Then I ragged on him about his lack of vocabulary. Every other word was a curse word. I told him he needed a bigger vocabulary in order to describe his emotions. That is what won me this big tip. That is a lame story compared to some of the stories I have in my archives. So here is one that is more exciting....

I opened the bar and the first customer I served asked for a ketle one and water tall. He said it without a slur so I had no idea he was already drunk and nursing his habit. After a sip or two he asked for another one. I mentioned that he had not finished his first one. He said it was watered down and needed another one. I served him another one and threw away his first one. This went on for about 30 mins. I asked for a form of payment and he gave me $200 cash and said to start him a cash tab. I did. Everyone from there on out that came up to the bar he asked to put their drinks on his tab. The tab started getting bigger quickly. Even with $2 drinks here and there. Half way through my day shift he's starts talking about how he bought the hotel across the street. The Hilton. I was skeptic as always because everyone lies in a bar about who they are. He kept making phone calls on his cell and passing the phone making me talk to random people to prove he had bought this hotel. First his son, the award winning quarter back of some prestigious college (which turned out to be ligit) to his girlfriend and his driver. I'm starting to get busy and still putting everyone's drinks on his growing tab. His driver finally shows up in the bar to "vouch" for his boss. About this time his tab is getting to the point of needing more money. This man hands me his debit card, gives me his pin number, and tells me to go pull out another $200 to keep the tab running. Skeptical I go downstairs to the ATM machine, pull out the money and notice he has about $50k in his checking account.... Really? Seriously. The rest of the night is a nightmare. He continues to buy everyone who comes up to the bar a round of drinks while he sips on barely touched drinks and orders more. He starts demanding more attention even though the bar is getting busier. He begins to start crossing the line of customer/bartender relations. Demanding I pay more attention to him although the bar is progressively picking up. Long story short, he's demanding food however we don't have food. Hell we don't even have a kitchen!

He gives me his credit card and tells me he wants sushi. Well the sushi restaurant conveniently shut down a week before and we have to order from NY pizzaria. We order enough to feed the bar. They show up, he's still ordering me around, yada yada yada.

All in all after running my hiney around, trying to compensate for his demands, he's still drunk, now his driver is drunk and he decides to close his tab out. He tells me to pocket the cash and hands me a credit card. He pays the tab, tips $100 on the tab.

So for a 6 hour shift, this man buys almost everyone a drink in the bar, demands my undivided attention plus unexpected food service and ends up tipping me $500 not including what I made from "regular" ppl at the bar.

In my opinion, it was an adventure, but not worth it. I don't do the experience justice with my story. It was long, inconvenient and worthy to make the blog of stupidity.

I mean if you had that much money to blow... go to a topless bar if you want that kind of service lol

C: Hi, can i get a stella and budlight draft please Me: Sure, $8.25 ( serves beer) C: ( hands me a credit card) close it out please Me: hands over the slip C: ( signs the receipt with no tip) Do you remember which one is which? Me: I think if you would have tipped me I might have remembered.

After a long shift at work, there were many encounters with the normal rookie wanna be Irish. So before I begin, lets outline a little bit about my shift. Started at 2pm and got home about 5am with about 5 hours of sleep the previous night, however 4 redbulls, 2 5hour energys, and some diet pepsi I lasted the entire shift without passing out. We got busy around 6, ran out of Irish Whiskey around 8 and was burried at the bar by 9. From 10 to 2 it seems like we all were on a treadmill, working as fast as we could with little as communication to fill orders. No food, no cigs and no potty breaks past 10. Actually I snuck in a pee break about 1am lol Thank you Sherlocks for supplying us with porta potties in the back. That line wrapped around the room and out the door since about 7pm lol


ENTER ST. PATTYS


C: Vodka/cran Me: 3.75 C: oh and a BL Me: $7 C: oh and a jager Me: $12.25 and do you happen to need anything else? Just because you can't multitask at work doesn't mean I can't.

C: 2 jagerbombs and a BL. Me: $17.25 C: OH! and can I add a L.I.T.? Me: No! C: why are you being so bitchy? Me: Nice ended at 11! pay up.

C: waving and yelling at me whining he's been there forever Me: How can I service you? (in a very sarcastic tone) C: Turns around and asks his friends behind them what they want to drink Me: Loudly counting 1,2,3! BUZZ!! Next! and yes he waited another 10 mins before he got served, but this time he was ready lol

C: Double crown/coke and a jagerbomb Me: $17.5 walk off and serve a couple of more customers, start a few more tabs, close a couple of tabs and still no moola. I stand infront of the customer... "hello? can I get some form of payment?" C: Huh? Me: shouting loudly "HOLD ON EVERYONE! THE WHOLE BAR HAS TO STOP AND WAIT FOR THIS SLACKER TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND PAY FOR HIS DRINKS!" C: fumbling for a 20 and now has about 30 ppl booing him.

so yeah that was about it. All in all, normal stuff amazingly. Most everyone was well behaved. Well except for the chick who tossed our glass tip jar at us around midnight. She cracked it wide open and got an automatic ejection from the bar. No one knew why she threw it lol OH and guess the waitress who kept pissing off Tiff for serving customers at the bar. That's a huge act of disrespect.

so besides seeing the "rockers" rock out tonight (witnessing naked asses and balls) I also witness just one questionable transaction. Note: The band who are playing tomorrow for St. Patty's day decided to come in and drink, and what a riot)

C; Can I have a shiner and a guiness? Me: sure ^serves the shiner as the guiness settles... that will be $7 C: pays and points to the guiness Me: have you ever ordered a guiness? C: all the time Me: Then give it a minute! C: get the guiness and walks away without tipping

Note: I recently read a poster advertising the proper pouring technique behind guiness, and they stated that on average the proper pour of guiness would bring in tips..... they lied. Most customers don't want to wait and want their beer pronto!

Sidenote: Rockers can't handle their alcohol any better than anyone else! Hence the flashing of flesh mentioned above. Thanks Velcro Pygmies, Rat Ranch and opening band. What a display of drunken madness on the patio as I left. Enter St. Patty's day.... the nightmare shift at the bar.

C: Gimme a Hennessy and a gin/pineapple. Me: That's $11 C: isn't it still happy hour?! Me: Yeah but your Henny is $9 a shot. C: !@#$ what? Me: well don't drink the good stuff ~giggle C: If i bring it back up can I get a refund? Me: If you come up with anything other than $11 I'm charging you double!

Customer waiting to put in his order, who has previously ordered a Big 22oz of bud and budlight. His buddy next to him just bought a big 22oz budlight and everyone at the bar has their big beers in front of them....

C: You have budweiser in the big beers? Me: No only short ones for you. You look special.

Hugging my pillow tight haunted by the sounds of the jingle-jangle of quarters we received in our tips jars from the cheap asses from Big Ass Beer Night.

Post story tomorrow when I'm coherent. Day 2 no sleep. One more to go =/

C: Hi, howya do'n? Me: Peachy C: I'm a bartender Me: (eyebrow raise) Really? Where at? C: oh just down the road. Say can I get a rum and coke with that ole 10 count? Me: 10 count? Seriously? C: Yeah Me: for the cost of a 5 count? C: Hell ya! Me: Sure...... (shaking head) ... cram as much ice in the glass as I can,stuff a straw in the glass, pour a 4 count of run down the straw, splash with coke and take my time delivering by ringing it up and printing out a receipt so it the ice could melt and make it look full and light in color mwhahahahahaha! C: Wow what a pour! You're an awesome bartender! Me: Thanks, that'll be $3.75 C: man that's cheap. Here ya go, I'll see ya in a few. Me: Looks at the $5 he just handed me and laughs.


Note to readers: If you have enough balls to say you're in the service industry, you better be prepared to tip like one. Most of us in the industry will order a double or go to our friends if we want a strong drink lol ALSO don't ask for a strong drink, it just automatically makes our counts faster and therefore pour less alcohol. Its not done on purpose its just a normal reaction for being demanded to do something. Remember: take care of me, I'll take care of you. This will get you far in a bar unless your bartender is an ass or a dumb blonde. We're all entrepreneurs.

C: Can I get 2 jagerbombs and a ML draft. Me: certainly. C: continues his conversation with the band member at the bar Me: serve drinks. That will be $17.25 C: continues his convo and continues to ignore me Band dude: Jager please. Me: serves shot C: drinks band memebers shot of jager Band dude: Hey dude! you just drank my shot! C: my bad, can he get another shot please? Me: serves his shot of jager, adds an addition shot of jager to his tab, prints it out, puts it infront of C and says that will be $22.50. C: continues his conversation.

Band memeber walks off and so does the customer who hasn't paid for his drink....

I grab my manager, put the receipt in his hand and ask him to chase down the C and tell him to come back and pay for his drinks. The customer returns and is raising hell about having to be dragged back to the bar. He said he had a tab. I asked his last name. He gave it to me. I did not have his tab. I asked him if he started one with a waitress or at another bar. He said a waitress. I asked which one. He said he didn't know, but its here somewhere. He's embarrassed and pissed that we've treated him so poorly. He's pouring out credit cards on the bar and tossing them at me saying, here put them on this one, or this one, or this one. Pick one. I pick one up, swipe it and put it in the pile of credit cards laying on my bar. At this time another manager is trying to calm him down and get what was wrong with him out. As he's trying to calm him down, its obviously irritating him more. I started waiting on other customers and waitresses trying to avoid telling the customer to quit being such a jerk.

Right before he walks off from the bar, he pours his beer all over my bar, drops his glass and walks off. I look over at my manager and say, "I'm not waiting on him after that."

My manager allowed him to stay after talking to him. I never saw him again.

C: I'd like to close my tab Me: I'm sorry our computers just crashed. It will be about 5 mins before I can access your tab or we can just close it out at the end of the night C: OK but can I close my tab Me: Repeat C: But I want to close my tab Me: repeat C: Look all I want to do is close my tab Me: Can I get a translator?!

Me: What can I get for you guys Cs: Long Island, absolute and cranberry, Beautiful. Me: thanks! C: well you are beautiful but I mean the drink. Me: Never heard of it. whats in it? C: Courvoisier and Grand Marnier. Me: In houston we call that a French Connection. Drinks served. C: Miss?! Me; Yes sir? C: can you put some ice in my drink? Me: Thats not the absolute cranberry you ordered in your hand. its in front of you C: Yeah but I want ice in my drink. Me: Look dummy, that's your gf's drink. The absolute and cranberry you ordered is IN FRONT OF YOU. C: Oh. Me: AND of course.. NO TIP for his $20 round... surprising...


Erick and I are listening to Bramble tell a story about his prom night when some random drunk patron who was sitting silently at the bar drinking his newly ordered and served new castle when he slams his hand down on the bar and says, "I know I'm drunk but your whack man!" and continues to tell Bramble how "whack" he is and how he needs to change his attitude and repeatedly says he's "whack". Bramble asks this drunkard if he even knows what he's talking about. The guy says no and keeps verbally abusing him. The two end up exchanging some fighting words and I ask the guy to leave. He goes to a different bar but not after some choice words. I eventually make it to the door to request his exit executed immediately. He doesn't leave quietly either lol but none-the-less booted out.

And the EMT patch on his jacket was just... disturbing lol ...

C: I'll have a blue hawaiin. Me: 5.75 C: ~takes a big gulp... I don't like it. Me: Then why did you order it? C: Can I exchange it for a vodka cranberry? C: I'm sorry they only serve free sample at the top bar. AFTER CLOSING: John: Did you tell someone crazy lady that I was the only bar that served free samples Me: ~giggle


C: I'll have a grey goose and vodka Me: Grey goose is vodka C: Yeah grey goose and vodka Me: so do you want it on the rocks, with cranberry or what? C: just grey goose and vodka Me: yeah ok (shaking head and pours a shot of grey goose in a shot glass, serves to C) C: where's the cranberry? Me: I'm sorry, I forgot to te...ll you I stopped reading minds after 10.

C: Hi, crown and coke. Do you take credit cards? Me: No, you managed to find the only bar in the fourth largest city in the America that doesn't accept credit cards. That will be $5.25 cash please. (Evil grin)

C: Rum and coke Me: $2 please C: (pulls out misc pocket change and counts out $2) Me: I'm sorry all I can take are quarters, paper and plastic. We don't use nickles, dimes pennies. C: But this is all I have Me: If you need a drink that badly I'll buy this for you however if you cannot afford to drink and tip please stay at home.

customer: whats good? me: seriously? customer: just give me a cranberry vodka me:

customer: What do you have on tap? me: Nothing, all those beer taps behind me are purely ornamental. Can I help the next person?