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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

After finding a shot glass of puke on my bar one Saturday night I thought it was time to blog again after a very long break.

I have been a full time nursing student since last August and haven't really found the extra time or energy to blog (bitch). So to my adoring fans, here's some new material for you!

C: ~hanging on to the bar for dear life ... Can I have two more lemon drops and then close my tab? Me: I'll be right with you hun.. ~thinking in my head.. hmm I only gave her one round and this bitch can't even stand up!... go get manager and rat her out for being drunk... Back to the bar, keep working... C: excuse me!! Hello, can I get my shots?! Manager: Excuse me ma'am.... It gets inaudible until she starts calling me all kinds of dirty names for not serving her the last round and her tab is still there without any ink on it. After about 5 mins of her bashing me, she signs it and gets escorted out. So tempting to put a tip on there myself... FYI people, make sure you total your tabs out.. not all bartenders are as honest as I am!

Me: Can I help you sir? C: No I'm waiting on him (pointing to the other bartender). Me: Ok..... ~yelling "HEY "ENTER BARTENDERS NAME HERE" YOU HAVE A FAN WAITING FOR YOU!" Me: waits on 5 other customers, finishes transactions. Me: Are you sure you don't want to order something from me? He's kinda busy. C: No, I'll wait. Me: If you say so. Me to C1: Can I help you? C1: Budlight Me to C2: Can I help you? C2: two Miller lites, a XX, a kettle one and 7, and a goose and soda Me to C3: Can I help you? C3: two Budlights and two jagers Me: grabs and pops open the 3 budlights, serves the single to C1 and the two to C3, grabs and pops open the 2 Miller lites and XX to C2, set up my glassware after collecting $5 from C1. As I'm filling up my glasses with ice, the C who was waiting for the other bartenders puts his hand over my glasses and says C: Can I have a goose and tonic, a gin and soda, and a crown and 7? Me: MOTHER FUCKER!!! You just fucked up the drink order in my head!!! C: Well I've been waiting for 20 mins. Me: You insisted on waiting for and now you're definitely going to wait on him! Try stepping to HIS side of the fucking bar! Me: cussing under my breath.. to C2 could you please repeat your mixers?! As I was finishing opening the tabs for C2 and C3 I could hear the C bitching to the bartender he was waiting on telling him what a bitch I was and how he'll never come back to this bar again because of me. The other bartender who he was waiting on looks over to me and says, "Thank God! I've been avoiding him on purpose because he hasn't tipped me in 5 years." FRIGGIN AWESOME, and I'm the one who looks like the asshole!

5 signs you're not getting tipped!
1) a group of girls show up to the bar at once and all start separate tabs
2) The last name on the tab is Martinez and the bill is over $75
3) The customer asks what's on special before ordering
4) You ask what the cheapest shot you can make then order 5+.
5) You mention you used to bartend in college. **IF you have enough balls to mention you bartend or wait tables, its an automatic give away a dollar per drink says you're lying. WE ALL TIP BIG... PERIOD.
6) AN EXTRA ONE! when your drunk ass gets booted out of the club!

Some tips that will get you faster service:
1) Drink the same thing everytime you come to the bar and have a tab
2) Tip huge! like the guy who would give me a $20 for one beer. he was first everytime
3) Be a regular.
4) Don't keep moving around the bar, stay put!
5) Order your drinks from the fastest bartender

I implore all of you to put the shoe on the other foot! After midnight on Friday nights when I've been up since 4 am and have to keep going til 4am (yes, der 24 hours I'm up) Nice usually ends at midnight. If I'm not smiling, don't ask why not. If I snap back and say I'm tired, don't ask why. Just order your damn drink, pay for it and make my life easier. Just because you're getting crappy service, service without a smile, or just impersonal service, the person serving you might have some crazy ass circumstances such as mine and we really don't feel like putting up with your shit.

There might be a St. Patty's Day blog update. I'm pretty positive I'll be working. I also did no proof reading and I'm at school so no laughing at me. I'm short on sleep and patience, I might just show up and punch you in the trachea!